Last night was a test in my faith. The faith that I have in myself to keep sober, and not give into the frustration I have not felt in a long time. In the back of my mind, I knew I would not falter in my sobriety. But I have lost a huge chunk of respect towards my faith in humanity. Not only humanity though, faith in my family that they respect my choice to stay sober in this fucked up world we live in.
It was my naive assumption that they would not ask of me to do what I won't even do for myself. I thought that because they knew I was sober, that there was no way in hell that I would pick something up for them, because it was convenient for them. They had no care in the world that stepping into a store, would be a trigger for me. I want to know where they got the idea that I would do for them, what I won't even do for myself. Was it because I'm used to their ways? Was it because I don't mind them drinking in front of me? Was it because they see me as a fucking doormat?
I guess I haven't learned how to protect myself from others using me as a doormat. My next step in life is to learn how to do that. So if it seems like I've changed to you, I am.
