Comfort in where I'm at in life

I finally got to visit with a good friend today and she was very supportive of my move back to Anchorage. I told her that once I came back to Anchorage with my family I couldn't go back. She knew that once I had my sister adopt Adya, I wouldn't last very long without her.

I am at a very pivotal point in my life, and am just letting go and having my life take the course it needs to take. I will not try and force anything that isn't meant to happen.

My whole life I've tried to force things to happen when the time wasn't right for the situation, or make things happen at the wrong time. But this time I did not force myself to do something I didn't want to do.

I feel so calm and relaxed right now. More so than I've ever have in my whole life. I finally feel like I am doing the right thing and not freaking out about my decisions. I've always taken life way too seriously and think everything I do is a turning point in my life. After the depression episode, I've realized that every decision I make isn't life altering, and if it is, I can get through it with the support system I have.

I can't say where I will be in a week, month, or year. But I do know that I will be me. A happy me that deserves anything I get out of life that I put onto it. You only get what you give.

7/15/11

I finally got to visit with a good friend today and she was very supportive of my move back to Anchorage. I told her that once I came back to Anchorage with my family I couldn't go back.She knew that once I had my sister adopt Adya, I wouldn't last very long without her.

I am at a very pivotal point in my life, and am just letting go and having my life take the course it needs to take. I will not try and force anything that isn't meant to happen.

My whole life I've tried to force things to happen when the time wasn't right for the situation, or make things happen at the wrong time. But this time I did not force myself to do something I didn't want to do.

I feel so calm and relaxed right now. More so than I've ever have in my whole life. I finally feel like I am doing the right thing and not freaking out about my decisions. I've always taken life way too seriously and think everything I do is a turning point in my life. After the depression episode, I've realized that every decision I make isn't life altering, and if it is, I can get through it with the support system I have.

I can't say where I will be in a week, month, or year. But I do know that I will be me. A happy me that deserves anything I get out of life that I put onto it. You only get what you give.

Not gonna regret my choices

I've been asked many times when will I have another baby. But, to be honest, I do not plan on having another baby. We live in a world where it is expected for women to have babies. But I did not plan on having any babies. Mostly since I'm not very good with kids, or patient at all. Adya was a blessing to me. I will not regret having her in my life. She has been my life for the past 11 years, and even though I asked my sister to adopt her, I still live my life for her.

I read that more and more women are not planning on having any babies, and are not regretting that decision. I was talking with my sister and told her about this artical, and she said that she understands where I am coming from. She knows me better than I know myself, and she said that I am part of that group that don't want to have a baby. She knows that I've always lived like I was single, and that I am not good with kids, so she supports my decision and does not make me feel bad for not wanting to have anymore babies.

I do not plan on being single the rest of my life, but if I do, I am fine with that. I will not hold myself back from being in a relationship. I just plan on focusing on my career and if I find someone I will see what happens.