7/15/11

I finally got to visit with a good friend today and she was very supportive of my move back to Anchorage. I told her that once I came back to Anchorage with my family I couldn't go back.She knew that once I had my sister adopt Adya, I wouldn't last very long without her.

I am at a very pivotal point in my life, and am just letting go and having my life take the course it needs to take. I will not try and force anything that isn't meant to happen.

My whole life I've tried to force things to happen when the time wasn't right for the situation, or make things happen at the wrong time. But this time I did not force myself to do something I didn't want to do.

I feel so calm and relaxed right now. More so than I've ever have in my whole life. I finally feel like I am doing the right thing and not freaking out about my decisions. I've always taken life way too seriously and think everything I do is a turning point in my life. After the depression episode, I've realized that every decision I make isn't life altering, and if it is, I can get through it with the support system I have.

I can't say where I will be in a week, month, or year. But I do know that I will be me. A happy me that deserves anything I get out of life that I put onto it. You only get what you give.