You all know that I have a serious problem with drugs and alcohol. I let them rule my life. I made the mistake of giving them power and relinquishing my own power to them.
During my drinking days I was a slave to drugs and alcohol. After my drinking days I was a slave to drugs and alcohol. I kept telling myself that I could never have another drop of alcohol again. Or I will ve back to where I started from. A drunk.
I relapsed in April of this year and took that to heart like no other. I had gotten so depressed I just wanted to take 500 pills to feel that detached feeling you get right before your body gives. But I talked to a few people and made the decision to come to Anchorage for counseling.
Making that decision sober was tbe hardest I've had to make so far. Even harder than asking my sister to take over raising my daughter. This was the first time I had dealt with this kind of pain sober. I had forced myself to dump the pain pills and not buy another permit to buy alcohol in Kotzebue.
When I got to Anchorage, I was a mess. Some of my family wad in town for school and I was able to talk to them about what I was going through. They supported me and let me feel what I needed to feel in order to get over the depression.
I have since then had a few beers and glasses of wine. I started drinking again on my birthday. But I do not allow myself to get drunk. I do not allow myself to revert back to who I was before. I have the power over alcohol and it feels pretty damn good.
I know this will shock a lot of you. But I feel it is what I should be doing. I refuse to let drugs and alcohol rule my life again.
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