Not so great stuff

I've had a crazy couple weeks. You know that I had broken my pinky weeks ago. And when you break a bone, they give you pain meds. Being an addict, I told myself that I can handle taking those meds and not get hooked. Well, turns out, I am not as strong or a super human as like to think I am. I went back to the hospital and got more meds because I was "in pain". Those meds opened up the flood gates to my addiction and the craving for alcohol took over my life, and I had to drink. Well, you know, I didn't have to, but really wanted to. So I was given some money to get a permit and booze for some friends. Turns out those friends were just a bad infulance on my life and brought me down to where I didn't ever want to be again. Drinking. Alcohol is not good for me. I don't want to come to work, or take care of myself when I am drinking. I don't talk to my family because I am ashamed of what I am doing while drinking.

I am very affraid of what my sister is going to say about all this. Maybe that is why I am writing it on my blog and not telling her in person. She is my dose of reality, and when I called her about some dude I fell for and crying over him, she just laughed at me and told me not to cry over him. Of course she used harsher words than that. But I am playing nice here and not repeating everything she said verbatum. But my laps in judgment is over. I am happy to say I do not have any chemicals in my system any longer and will not be taking anything other than ibeuprofrine or tylenol. I do not want to get back to where I was. So I will no longer be chillin with people who can't stop drinking when they know they need to.

I can't believe what I put myself through. But I am only human, and part of recovery is relaps.