words

My whole life I've felt like I wasn't ever enough. I wasn't a good enough daughter, I wasn't a good enough sister, I wasn't a good enough student, I wasn't a good enough mother.

It is very hard to get past that way of thinking. And I still find myself reverting back to that way of thinking. I have been told many times that I am a strong independent individual, and I know I am, I just haven't been feeling that way for a couple of days. I feel like I am not who I can be. That I have let myself and the ones I care about down by not sticking with what I loved to do. I loved working with youth and seeing them realize their potential as a person and knowing they are in charge of their outcome in life. I want to get back to helping the youth, I just have to find myself again and have the strength and determination to keep on going.

The past few months have been the hardest of my adult life. I am living back with my mom and sister in the house I grew up in. The house where all my hurts started. I guess this is how I'm supposed to get some sort of closure. I'm really not too sure. I know that the country is in a really hard spot right now, but I didn't see how bad Alaska was until I actually had to find a job. I know I will find a job, I'm just feeling impatient and letting my brain get to myself.

I just need to get these thoughts out of my head before they take over. Lord knows that does not need to happen.