E'ff it

Let me see. I have had a pretty hard summer, and was trying not to let it get to me. But when I was in class last week, I realized that it had gotten to me, and I let it get the best of me. Well, when I realized that I said, "E'ff you asshole!!! You will not bring me down like that!" I let someone tell me that I am fucked up in the head and that I can not help others because I haven't helped myself.

Well, fuck you. I quit drinking all on my own. I get mad when others drink so freely around me, but act like it doesn't bother me. I'm sick and tired of acting like being around alcohol is ok. It's not ok. I still want to drink every day. My sister picked up some wine and tried to have a glass each night. I would take a few sips from her, but after those few sips I realized I didn't want to drink any more than that.

I have come to realize I can't treat alcohol like it's the devil and has to be totally out of my life. When I quit smoking cigarettes I didn't say I quit for over a year. I kept telling myself that I will buy a pack next pay check. If I have the mentality that I can have a drink then I won't have the stigma of being a quitter hanging over me. It's here. It's legal for me to buy it. Why not act like it's ok to be around it.

I have come a long way from where I was. I have not gotten as far as others, but I have to realize that I am younger that many of the alcohol addicts and I have them to ask for help when I need it. I can't go on living life like I don't have a problem. I need to understand I am human and will make mistakes. Thank you all for the help and support I've needed and will continue to need.